Tag Archives: Loony Literature

February 5, 2019 · 3:29 pm

Using Writer’s Settings To Inspire You

P.G Wodehouse and Hanley Castle Worcestershire

One of the problems with writing for a living or having it as a hobby is that it can make you feel isolated. However, it does not need to. A great way to get ideas for your writing and also to enjoy some good company is to go on a jottings jaunt. These can take you to many different places but today I want to concentrate on a setting that particularly inspired one of our most beloved English writers.

 

The inspiration for Brinkley Court.

If there is one writer that conjures up being British, it has to be P.G. Wodehouse. Even if you have never read any of his books, you are sure to be au fait with the popular television series, Jeeves and Wooster based on the books.  A visit to the village of Hanley Castle can only delight you as you peer up the drive of Severn End (the stately home of the Lechmere family) which was the inspiration behind Brinkley Court where Aunt Dahlia lived. If you stand at the end of the drive and ask yourself these questions, you will have a springboard for a story.

Who might drive up to the hall and why are they going there? Of course, your answer might be different depending on the time that you set your story. For instance, if you set it one hundred years ago, it could be a new servant arriving to work there but if you set it today, it could be someone going up to fix the computer. Once you have decided upon who it is and why they are there you can throw in – they are not allowed to leave. At this point, you immediately have the basis of a story – Why are they not allowed to leave? Who or what is stopping them from leaving? What do they have to do to get away? Do they get away safely, decide to stay or something else?

The inspiration for Market Snodsbury Grammar School.

If you leave the stately home behind and head into the village, you will come across the Hanley Castle Grammar School.  It was this place that was the inspiration for the Market Snodsbury Grammar School in the Jeeves and Wooster stories. Well, if it’s good enough for P.G.’s stories then who are we to turn our noses up?

Stand outside the school and imagine you are eleven years old and it is your first day there and you know no-one. It is the during the Second World War and you have had to leave your home and your parents and go to stay with an aunt that smells like pilchards.  The form master can’t stand the sight of you and no-one will speak to you. How do you get through your first day? Conjure up this child’s world by using all your senses. What can you see, hear, smell, touch and taste? Don’t forget to show how the child feels.

The Three Kings – quick snifter on the hoof, anyone?

If you walk across the road, you will come to the Three Kings pub.  This is a 17th century inn that is at Church End. It has been run by the Roberts family since 1911.  If you like brand new and minimalistic, don’t go. However, if you love old world, atmosphere and character – you cannot afford to give this a miss.   It is utterly delightful especially if you go on a Friday afternoon as a group of local musicians practise there and the atmosphere is glorious. The drinks are very fairly priced too which is always very helpful.  P.G. Wodehouse liked a quick snifter there and I’m not surprised that it got his old creative cogs grinding – the place is enough to get anyone enthusiastic.

Get yourself a drink and perch your bottom. Relax and imagine that you are meeting someone that you used to be in love with but haven’t seen for a long time. After you went your separate ways, you got on with your life but still thought about them. Recently you received a letter asking you to meet them as they had something to tell you. How would you feel as you waited for them to arrive? What would you imagine they were going to tell you? How did you feel when you saw them again? What was the news? How did the meeting end?

Quite often when folks are trying to write they believe that they have to sit in and not speak to anyone. Sometimes it works but it can also be the worse course of action to take. Sometimes you simply need to get out, see new places and be with people and this is what will get the characters coming to life and the stories flowing – go on, give it a try. Hanley Castle inspired P.G Wodehouse to write jolly comedy – what will it do for you?

 

 

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December 11, 2016 · 11:55 am

Your Very Own ‘Christmas Carol’ Writing Workshop

Let’s Go

victorian-christmas-1

Sometimes folks are put off writing because they can’t screw down an idea in their head and then get it down. This means that it sits lurking in the back of their brain for years. They then think of another idea and the same thing happens again. This goes on for years and years and nothing ever actually ever gets written. In this writing workshop, I want to show you how to get a plan for your story, down on paper or a screen, to get you over that. Creative writing lessons are very useful for this.

We are going to do it by using Christmas Carol as a springboard for your own story plan. Don’t worry, you don’t have to read the book if you don’t wish to, you simply have to follow these steps and then you have a clear picture of where you are going with your Christmas story.

Take a genre

“His colour changed though when it came on through the heavy door and passed into the room before his eyes.”

christmas-carol-1

Christmas Carol is a ghost story.  The Victorians loved to sit and listen to ghost stories on Christmas Eve and so you might decide to follow suit and plan a ghost story and maybe even write it in time for Christmas. However, if you don’t care for supernatural tales, I would suggest that you write something that you really enjoy reading or watching on television. Writing a genre that you don’t really love is self-defeating, that is my personal belief anyway and this is something that is born from experience. Writing workshops are meant to be enjoyed.

If you don’t like ghost stories perhaps you could write a:

  • Christmas love story – it doesn’t have to be a straight forward one. Love comes in many forms. It could be about friendship, the love of an animal, the love of a hobby or even the love of an ideal.
  • Christmas murder – whatever happened to the bell ringers? it’s not just people that get murdered at Christmas so do Christmas carols (how do we get rid of that woman with the dreadful shrieking voice from our choir before Christmas Eve?) Who is going to do the dirty deed with the live turkey?
  • Christmas comedy – There is no better time for setting comedy really because it is the main time when people that don’t really get on or have anything in common are locked in a house together for hours on end. This is your Christmas gift and it doesn’t matter how many times it has been done because each family has its own weird ways and conflicts so you can always create something fresh from this.
  • Christmas adventure – this also an ideal time to set an adventure story because a lot of people are in transit because of visiting during this time so it allows for all sorts of unexpected problems to occur.

 

Decision time – Make a note of what genre you are going to put in your plan for your Christmas story.

Take a character

christmas-carol-2

Dickens cleverly chose to portray a miser as the main character for his Christmas story so that he could use the weather as a metaphor for Scrooge’s personality.

“He carried his own low temperature about with him” slyly defines the meanness of this old sod without saying it outright. Let’s use this quotation as a springboard for the character that we are going to create for our own story. We don’t have to use ‘he’, it can just as easily be a ‘she’.  Let’s brainstorm some ways a person can be miserly, remember it doesn’t just have to be with their money.

You could have:

  • A husband or wife that is generous with money but never spends Christmas Day with their spouse.
  • A partner that never ever likes the gifts that are bought for them.
  • A parent that never lets the grandparents see the little ones over the holiday period.
  • A member of the family that won’t let the rest of the clan celebrate the season.

The list is endless. You can use one of these or you can come up with your own miser. If you have another idea for a Christmas character and don’t want to use a miser that is fine too. The main objective is to get you to plan your Christmas story.

  • Once you have chosen what your main character is going to be miserly about, I want you to give a reason for their behaviour. So if, for instance, you’ve chosen ‘a partner that never likes the gifts that are bought for them’, you need to re-write your sentence like this – My character never ever likes the gifts that are bought for them because they are frightened of disappointment.
  • You then need to think about what has happened in the past to make your character like this. It could be that when you character was a kid they had wished more than anything in the world for a train set or a beautiful doll but instead got a book on fly fishing. The disappointment was so overwhelming that they prime themselves that they will never like anything they are given again. This means that they will never be disappointed again.
  • Can you see how this instantly makes your character like a real person because they have got a back story and emotions? It also will make your story more truthful because in fiction all characters need to have motives for what they are doing or for how they are acting.

You can still do this exercise if you haven’t chosen to use a miser, you simply need to give the reason for your main character’s behaviour.

Decision – Make a note of your character’s personality type and why they behave like this.

Take a plot

christmas-carol-3

Dickens has used a miser in Christmas Carol because it is the opposite of the Christmas message. This means that we automatically have conflict. Conflict is at the heart of any plot.  It is conflict that causes the action and moves the story along. Quite often it is the main character that is in conflict with something else and so tries to find ways to overcome the obstacles that they are up against. However, in Christmas Carol, it is the Christmas message that is trying to change Scrooge’s behaviour and this is what moves the plot along.

“Every idiot who goes about with Merry Christmas on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!” Notice how visual the language is. We are in no doubt that Scrooge not only hates Christmas but he also feels violent towards anyone that actually enjoys it. This is what the Christmas Message has to overcome.

If you followed step one, you may not realise it but you have already developed the step that you need to overcome.

Dickens uses the excellent plot device of three attempts. Scrooge is taken to Christmas Past, Christmas Present and Christmas Future by three supernatural characters. It is through these visits that he sees how destructive the obsession with money is and changes his miserly ways. Basically, this is a very useful structural device that means that you think of three ways to resolve the main character’s problem or change their thinking.  You have to make sure that your character fails the first two times but resolves the problem on the third attempt.

Decision – Make a note of the three steps that your character is going to take to either change their ways or overcome their problem. Remember to make them fail the first two times.

Take a setting

christmas-carol-4

“Meanwhile the fog and the darkness thickened so that people ran about with flaring links, proffering their services to go before horses in carriages and conduct them on their way.”

For me, setting is as important as character and plot whether I am reading or writing. Not only does it create atmosphere but it also allows the story to become whole as the setting connects to each part of the story.  In other words, the setting is freezing cold and foggy – this echoes Scrooge’s heart. It is a ghost story so we can believe in its truth because of the background. This makes it easy to imagine. I know many people talk about clichés but at the end of the day a cliché is something that is tired from being overused, if you keep your story fresh by offering the true essence of yourself into it, you can use such backgrounds for a ghost story.

By this point, you may already have a setting for your Christmas story but in case you haven’t – here are some to choose from:

  • A luxury cruise liner
  • A log cabin in the woods deep in snow
  • An allotment site
  • A theatre
  • A ruined abbey

 

Decision – Make a note of your chosen setting for your Christmas story.

 

Your springboard sentences

You will have noticed that I have taken a sentence out of Christmas Carol to flavour what I am referring to. It is a good idea now to return to your plan and start concocting your own springboard sentences. The reason for this is that having to write one sentence only for each part of your story will actually make it easier for you to start writing. It is amazing how it takes away the fear of getting stuck in. Creative writing workshops are actually fear fighters.

The other reason for having springboard sentences is that because you only have to do one sentence, you will make sure that it is a good one, one that you can appreciate and this will build your confidence as a writer.  You can either do your springboard sentences now or you can do then with your checklist at the bottom, decide which is more comfortable for you.

 

Checklist

Still using Christmas Carol as an example – this is what your plan should look like for your Christmas story.

Genre – ghost story.

My springboard sentence is “His colour changed though when it came on through the heavy door and passed into the room before his eyes.”

Character – Ebenezer Scrooge is a miser. He loves money more than anything because deep down he is frightened of being poor and alone. I believe this comes from him seeing how utterly wretched the very poor are in Victorian society and he feels that he has to avoid this at all costs.

My springboard sentence is “He carried his own low temperature about with him.”

Plot – The aim of the story is to make Scrooge see that being a miser leaves you alone which in turn makes you the poorest person on earth. In essence, his miserly behaviour means that he will end up in the position that he is terrified of.

1st attempt to change Scrooge – a visit from the ghost of Christmas Past makes him see how he lost the true love of his life because of his love of money.

2nd attempt to change Scrooge – a visit from the ghost of Christmas Present shows him the love that takes place in both the Cratchit’s household and also his nephew’s too. He then sees two starving children, Ignorance and Want.

3rd attempt to change Scrooge – a visit from the ghost of Christmas Yet to Come shows Scrooge how people act after his death and it is this behaviour that makes him realise what a dreadfully nasty old sod he had become. Finally, he changes his ways.

Springboard sentence – “Every idiot who goes about with Merry Christmas on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!”

Setting

The setting for Christmas Carol is Victorian London on Christmas Eve.

My springboard sentence is “Meanwhile the fog and the darkness thickened so that people ran about with flaring links, proffering their services to go before horses in carriages and conduct them on their way.”

With your plan clear in your head, you will find it much easier to start writing.

I hope this has helped you – happy writing and Merry Christmas.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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December 5, 2016 · 7:00 am

Writing Workshop – Use an 18th Century Curiosity as a SpringBoard For Your Writing

Fancy a jaunt to an 18th century coffee shop with me to do the writing workshop?

coffee-house-blog-post

Sometimes folks really want to write but they feel blocked because the ideas are stuck – writing workshops are ideal for getting rid of creative constipation.  Today, I want to get really deep into the recesses of your mind and find what wonderful things are lurking there.  You never know, you may find yourself writing in a genre you have never thought of before.  At the very least, I hope that you will get some new ideas for a story.

Step 1

Take some deep breaths and close your eyes. Now imagine yourself walking down a street with buildings on either side.  Look smart and get under my brolly – folks like to empty their chamber pots out of the window around this time. Yes, I’m sorry the ground is covered in excrement – it will wash off and the pong that you are experiencing will get you ready for the whiff that envelopes you when you get inside.

emptying-chamber-pots

You come to a large building with a gargoyle door knocker on it. As you lift your hand to knock, the door swings open. I want you to imagine yourself taking your shoes off and leaving them outside the door. Your shoes symbolise all the mental footsteps that you have taken in the past. By leaving your shoes on the threshold, you are leaving any writing blocks that you may have behind. I want you to conjure up a picture of yourself waving away any negative thoughts that you may have about yourself as a writer.

We should pay a penny at the door but they can’t see us and we’d only freak them out if we threw our modern money at them. Just for this visit, we’ll go in for free.

Step 2

You have now entered The Coffee House for our writing workshop but as you will have gathered, it’s not the 21st century – it’s the late 17th century and we are in a very fortunate position because no-one is aware of our presence.  Let’s find out what is occurring and see how we can use it.

Curiosities were all the rage

While I offer you a little explanation about some of the things that you are going to experience, try not to breathe in the deep fug of smoke that pervades the air. Don’t worry if you have a coughing fit, they can’t hear us.  The mixture of tobacco fumes and the smoke from the open fires can be overwhelming. However, if we look on the positive side it does take away the stench of the unwashed bodies. It was considered unmanly to keep yourself scrubbed in those days so put this peg on your nose and breathe through your mouth.

In the late 17th century and 18th century, it was all the rage amongst upper class gentlemen to display curiosities. Many of them had their intriguing finds on show in their huge homes so that they would have a talking point about their travels to visitors.  This did not go unnoticed by the entrepreneurial coffee houses. They realised that is was a great way of attracting business.

cabinet-of-curiosities

For instance, James Salter opened a coffee house in 1695 in Chelsea which came to be known as Don Saltero’s. One of his customers was Sir Hans Sloane, the physician whose donation of 50,000 volumes and 3,560 manuscripts formed the nucleus of the British Museum. Sloane travelled vastly and because of this he gained a large collection of curiosities which he donated to Salter to display in his coffee house. Other patrons followed this trend and it attracted people from all over London.  So let’s investigate how these curiosities can springboard our creativity. Be warned – you have to be playful here.

Exhibit one

oliver-cromwells-sword

You come to Oliver Cromwell’s sword.  I want you to mentally pick it up and swipe it through the air. Don’t worry, our actions in the coffee shop can’t harm anyone. Now thrust with it. How does it feel? Has it made you feel empowered or do you quickly drop it because the veil of death has covered you? Make a note of your feelings.

Now we need a springboard to launch us into a writing piece. Don’t worry if you haven’t got one because you can use mine if you wish. Also, it doesn’t have to be Oliver Cromwell’s sword, it can be another historical person of your choice.

Springboard one

A children’s story – After a visit to the museum to see the sword, the ghost of Oliver Cromwell turns up in the main child character’s bedroom. He wants his sword back and won’t go away until the main character gets it for him out of the museum. We could see some real action for 8 – 12 year olds there.

A historical one – if you combined some research with creative licence here you could write a short story about someone that died by Oliver Cromwell’s sword.

A comic piece – you could run a spoof here with Old Ironside’s sword being like King Arthur’s ‘Sword in the Stone’. Let’s face it, the old warty faced puritan could definitely take some comedic stick.

Exhibit two

maids-hat

If you weren’t inspired there, we can move on.  Here we come to ‘Pontius Pilate’s Wife’s Chambermaid’s Sister’s Hat.’ Close your mouth, you will breath in too much smoke. Yes, you’ve guessed it, a lot of the curiosities on display in the 18th century coffee house were fakes. However, the fact that someone from that period took the time to make something like that up means that it is indeed inspired. For a start, I don’t believe that female servants or slaves in the Roman period had hats, if they had head gear at all it would have been a piece of cloth. In fact, hats such as this one on display had not even been invented. Therefore, I think that we have to use a fake 18th century hat as our springboard.

Springboard two

A comedy piece – an 18th century pseudo nobleman is trying to relieve a fop of his fortune by trying to convince him that the hat belonged to Pontius Pilate and has magical powers. We’ll drop the chambermaid’s sister bit, it sounds less impressive to our fop and it adds to the comedy that Pilate would wear such a hat.

 

Exhibit three

cross

As we move onto the next item, we come to realise that this also has got a bit of a dodgy provenance. It’s a piece of wood that is supposed to be from the true cross that crucified Jesus. They seem to like their biblical pieces. I can see the attraction and it was also harder to prove in those days that the piece was fake.

Try to ignore all the noise. Coffee houses in those days just got louder and louder as all the men tried to out shout each other. Think of politicians and you get the picture.

Springboard three

A crime story  – If we pretend that this is the real thing then we could have a crime story – some people would probably kill to get their hands on an item like that.

Exhibit four

pin-cushion

I don’t know if this is my 21st century mind but I would also question the next item unless I saw its provenance.  It’s Mary, Queen of Scot’s pincushion.  We think that the world is full of cons now but it was rife back in the 18th century too.

Springboard four

A historical thriller with romance thrown in – Mary, Queen of Scots is truly a larger than life character. You could write a murder, thriller or love story around her supposed pincushion. If you fancy this as a springboard, you can let Mary cut the pincushion open, hide something very important and small in it and then get her trusted lady of the chamber sew it back up. It would be a good idea to set the story through her lady of the chamber’s eyes. If she has to deliver the pin cushion to one of Mary’s trusted allies, you would have a historical thriller but could weave romance into it as a sub plot. Obviously, if it was a short story you would have to choose one or the other.

Exhibit five

old-key

We now come to our last piece and although it was a difficult choice, the prize truly has to go to the key which was once used by Adam to lock and unlock the Garden of Eden. Yes, these people had true chutzpah. However, I have to say that for creative writing purposes it does actually have mileage.

Springboard 5

A fantasy piece – There is great room here to write a fantasy piece that is a metaphor for the modern day. How about, instead of there only being Adam and Eve on earth, only Adam and Eve can get into the Garden of Eden and there are lots of people in a barren land outside that want to get into the fruitful garden.  Will Adam and Eve let others in or will they keep the biblical arcadia for themselves? If you fancy this, go for it.

Step three

It’s time to leave. Swoop up your ideas, whatever you do, don’t leave them in the coffee shop. Let’s take a final look around – they are all too busy competing to be the best and nosiest to notice that they have had ghosts of the future looking at their curiosities.

coffee-house-again

Out through the front door, find your shoes, put them on but leave your past negative thoughts about your writing in the filth strewn street. Now go and take your thoughts and don’t judge them simply write down everything that comes into your head.

Congratulations – you have made a start on a new piece. Happy writing.  

 

 

 

 

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November 28, 2016 · 8:00 am

Writing Workshop – 5 Great Ways To Place A Twist On Putting Your Character In A Coffee House

charles-dickens-for-writing-blog-post

When people ask what can I write about, it is often answered by ‘write what you know’. This is good advice but I would like to offer you a twist on that. Think about the things that you do in your own life and then let your character do them but in a different time. It means that you will have to do some research but this always helps with ideas and the flavour of the piece that you are writing.

One – Find an atmospheric setting

Let me give you an example. You probably go to a coffee house and could easily set a story there so how about doing that but setting it in the past? Wouldn’t this make your story stand out that bit more?

old-london-coffee-house

Let’s explore the situation. For a start, it is easy to imagine that coffee houses are something invented by us modern folks but that is not true. The reality is that if you pop down St Michael’s Alley which is a passage in London you will find a blue plaque on the wall of a wine house. The plaque states that the original London coffee house stood on that site and opened in 1652.  Just from that we have a place and a time that could send your mind buzzing with ideas.

Springboard 1 – A story set in 1652 in St Michael’s Passage, London when a new fangled coffee house is just opening. Imagine how the owner must feel.

Two – Find some larger than life characters

samuel-johnson

Many coffee houses sprang up in the 17th and 18th century and they were extremely important because it was where men met to do business and share ideas. We know from records that many men who were involved with the arts and scientific enquiry frequented coffee houses. Wren, Dryden, Reynolds, Johnson, Swift, Gainsborough, Garrick and Hogarth, to name but a few, were regularly seen discoursing over their passions in coffee houses. There we have a wonderful set of characters. It only takes a little bit of research and some poetic licence and you have a story about one of them.

Springboard 2 – A story about Wren, Dryden, Reynolds, Johnson, Swift, Gainsborough, Garrick or Hogarth getting into a troublesome situation in a coffee house.

Three – Create some domestic conflict

mary-w-the-rights-if-woman

In fact, it is believed that many insurance companies and other financial businesses started as a result of deep debates in coffee houses. It has been suggested that men spent so much time in coffee houses that they were often more associated with their regular haunt than where they actually lived.  If men were at the coffee house more than at home this could cause marital rifts – this is a good plot line.  If you want to use an idea following this line, I have actually written about this on the post ‘Trouble in the Coffee House – Get Writing.’

Springboard 3 – A man would rather spend more time at the coffee house than at a home with his wife.

Four – Have a coffee house trail

outside-a-coffee-house

It wasn’t just the capital that boasted coffee houses either. Oxford and Cambridge both had coffee houses and Bristol is recorded as having 4 by 1666. There was at least one in York by 1669 and others in Edinburgh, Glasgow and Dublin. Exeter, Bath, Norwich, Great Yarmouth, Chester, Preston and Warwick also had coffee houses. This means that you don’t have to set your story in the capital, you have a wealth of settings to choose from. In fact, you could use coffee houses as a trail.

Springboard 4 – A man is on a secret mission that leads him around various coffee houses until he ends up in a coffee house in York about 1700. Who is he meeting there?

Five – Use details from your research to cannon ball your plot

coffee-house-sign

However, it was London, because of the business which was carried out in them, which had the most coffee houses and it is said that by 1714, there were at least 1,000 coffee houses there then. The houses were usually identified by a hanging sign; however, in 1762 all such signs, except at public houses, were banned.  It seems their creaking at night stopped folks from sleeping. Furthermore, if you were trotting along on a horse on a windy day, you could be knocked right off your mount by one of those blasted signs. This actually happened. Basically, the signs had become a menace to society and that is why they had to go. We can use details like this both to add authenticity to our story and to amuse our readers.

Springboard 5 – A man is knocked off his horse by a coffee house sign and a comely woman helps him – is she as kind and good as she seems to be or does she have ulterior motives?

Inspiration is everywhere – I hope that I have offered you some today. Happy writing.

 

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November 24, 2016 · 12:22 pm

Cheer Yourself Up With The Plague

In these days of Brexit and Trump, I have decided that it is my duty to hand out stirring advice. In fact, I’ve nominated myself as the cheerer upper of the people. It’s a role that I relish and in these coming days, I hope to erase your feelings of discontent once and for all. So without any further waffle let’s get stuck into cheering ourselves up.

plague-1

However bad you may feel, be glad that you were not alive in Tudor England when there were three main illnesses which could easily kill you. In those days, influenza was a serious killer. In fact, it travelled through the army so quickly that the generals had to call off an attempt to recapture Calais in 1557 – 1558. No flu vaccinations there then.

Carried on a flea

Another option was the plague and to be fair, with the plague there was a choice: Bubonic or pneumonic. This was caused by a type of bacteria which was carried on a flea on a rat. There was no cure for it during the Tudor reign and outbreaks occurred from time to time. In 1603, 38,000 people died in London and the plague doctors were little more than useless. Henry VIII had the best way of dealing with the plague – he got out of London as quickly as he could. It also broke out again in 1665.

plague-3

If the plague or the flu didn’t get you, you still couldn’t relax because the sweating sickness might not be far behind. This broke out in England in 1485, 1517 and 1551. Talk about living for the moment, you really needed to when this illness was about. You could be singing a ditty, having a tumble in the hay and knocking back the mead at lunchtime but be dead before you got your supper; that was how quickly it struck folks down. Although saying that, it did not always kill. It is now believed that it was a type of flu and was named Sudor Anglicus because for some strange reason only the English caught it.

black-death-doctor

If you did get ill, you had a choice of who to turn to. You could go to the apothecary who handled drugs and herbs. Much of what they handed out was experimental so it was a bit of a risk seeing them. However, if you visited a barber-surgeon you would get an amputation. Perhaps, a physician might be a better choice because they would just stick leeches on you to suck your blood.

Well, that concludes my cheering up session for today. I hope it stirred you.

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November 18, 2016 · 8:39 am

When You Love Your Body You Stop Trying To Be Perfect

lady-get-boobs-done

I had a friend that was a tall, slim, beautiful looking blonde. You would think that she would be thankful for that but no, all she wanted was to get enough money together so that she could have a boob job done. Hers were small and pert and she wanted bigger ones.

This was back in the days when it was mainly television stars that had the operation and that was obviously where she got the idea from. She would joke that if she had her boobs done, she would start jogging. The point here is that if she’d loved her body, she would have stopped trying to be what the advertising and television industry told her she should be and maybe spent more time thinking about how lucky she was to have such a healthy body.

Time has passed and it is more important than ever that you should love your body. The reason for this is that we are force fed a diet of idealism about the perfect female from the media.  This can make us dislike our body because it doesn’t fit into the mould. The reason that it doesn’t is because you are a beautiful individual. Once you start to truly believe that, you will begin to care for your body more and get healthier and fitter because you know that it is what your body deserves.

When you truly love your body, you work to get it to the best that it can be so that it can serve you well. This means that you stop trying to get to the media’s idealised state of perfection because you are comfortable with what you have got. Furthermore, when you love your body you begin to realise that it needs a reasonable amount of good quality food. This means that you are no longer willing to starve it or put it through fad diets. Neither will you go bonkers and over exert it on exercise regimes that are far too rigorous and therefore tend to get thrown by the wayside after a couple of weeks.

Have a good long think about all that your body does for you and give it the respect and love that it deserves. Once you do this and truly feel it, you will laugh at the idea of a perfect body because you will be confident enough to know that it is a load of old fiddlesticks.     

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November 14, 2016 · 7:28 am

Trouble in the Coffee House? Get Writing.

Writing is good for your spirit and you don’t have to stay in to do it. It’s really good fun to go to a coffee house armed with your writing paraphernalia and to set your short story in there. If you really want to chance your arm you can create characters for your story from the other folks that are supping coffee around you. Whatever you do, don’t let them see. Coffee gets some people excited and you don’t want a black eye when all you are doing is creating a story.

coffe-house-1

Take down the details of the room you are sitting in and you have a setting readymade. Of course, if you wish to add or take away from that, you can do. This is the beauty of writing fiction; you can build the world to suit yourself.

Sneakily look at the people sitting nearest to you. Are they story fodder? If not, why not? If it’s an elderly couple that are talking about the cost of drinking chocolate, don’t forget that everyone has a past. She could have been a spy during World War II. He could be a retired private detective. Basically, they can be whatever you want them to be – run with your fantasy.

coffee-house-2

For those that love historical fiction, you will find that coffee houses have been around for a while and so if you wish to write a historical piece and set it in the coffee house then that is no problem. In fact, if you read on, you will find a true and hilarious situation that you can use as a basis for your story, if you so wish.

If you love popping out to the coffee house to have a good laugh and titillating gossip with your mates, you may be interested to know that this type of behaviour has been going on since the 17th century. However, back then it was purely the male that frequented the coffee house. Men would spend hours making business contacts and talking about politics in the coffee house. This did not go unnoticed by their female counterparts and trouble started to brew. (Do forgive the pun.)

Sterile and impotent

Women who were fed up of being coffee widows got together and published a hard hitting pamphlet. “The Women’s Petition Against Coffee” (1674) suggested that when men drank coffee daily it made then sterile and impotent. Obviously, this was a cause for concern in society because it would mean a reduction in the birth rate.

Women tearfully told how their husbands were turning their backs on them to enjoy the company of their peers in the coffee houses. They spoke of how this action threatened the social and economic future of the country because men were becoming incapable of fulfilling their marital duties. One woman even declared that all that coffee drinking ‘made men as unfruitful as the sandy deserts where the unhappy berry is said to be brought’.

For a moment, the men were truly speechless but only for a moment. They rallied back with “The Men’s Answer to the Women’s Petition.” They were having none of it and were rather blunt in their reply. The men suggested that drinking coffee made the erection more vigorous and then went into detail about how it actually made the sperm more potent. In other words, they fought back saying that coffee would actually make the birth rate rise.

coffee-house-3

Well that is certainly something to write about. You could write a television sitcom or a short play. It doesn’t have to be a short story. The whole idea of the exercise is to get you into the coffee shop setting and then to let your mind run wild. I think that you will be pleasantly surprised at how much you enjoy doing this. Just remember not to put pressure on yourself to produce War and Peace, this is meant to be fun.  Anything that has been written can always be improved upon at a later date if you so wish. For the time being, just have a giggle.

 

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November 10, 2016 · 12:36 pm

Feed Your Inner Child and Love Your Body By Writing Children’s Stories

My uncle always had a weight problem. When his doctor told him that he needed to go on a healthy diet he asked me what was the point of living if you can’t eat what you want to eat. I told him that there is an amazing range of foodstuffs that are both delicious and nutritious. I reminded him that we eat to live not live to eat and that there are many things that we can do to feed our souls instead. The world is full of ways to gain pleasure without eating. Sadly, he wasn’t convinced and died prematurely.

woman-imagining-cake

One of the behavioural patterns I have noticed with human beings is that if they don’t feed their souls and imaginations enough the hunger goes elsewhere. This happened with my uncle, he focussed too much on cream cakes and not enough on feeding his soul. How many times have you had a piece of cake with a cup of coffee both for something to do and also to bring comfort?

Have you noticed how when you are bored the chocolate in your fridge keeping zooming in mega sized pictures in your mind? This is why I want you to start thinking about how you can feed your soul. It doesn’t have to be spiritual. In fact, I will be coming up with ideas on this so even if you don’t like what I’m suggesting in this post there will be something that fills you up somewhere so that the hunger from your soul doesn’t transform into boredom or comfort eating.

I have gathered a backlog of children’s writing that I haven’t done anything with. It’s sitting there waiting to be unleashed onto the world and will be in due course, the reason I am telling you this is that I wanted to share with you that I write children’s stories initially for soul feeding.  Later on, I use it professionally but I started writing it in the first place because it makes me feel so good.

Let me explain. I think I should start with what adulthood can be these days. Sometimes, it seems like a series of frustrations and disappointments. Just getting a doctor’s appointment can seem like a fight and trying to speak to someone on the end of a phone can mean waiting for an hour listening to dreadful music before being passed from department to department. We have more television channels than ever to watch but there seems to be less to enjoy. You get where I am coming from? It’s no wonder a hell of a lot of comfort eating goes on.

Can you remember when you were a kid and splashing in the rain was funny? When seeing a wild rabbit in the woods filled you with joy and discovering your favourite adventure book completely transported you into the world of the characters? If you unleash that inner child, you can have that again and it’s amazing how the lift it gives you takes away the need to turn to cake and coffee.

Well, let me tell you, a great way to get that childish feeling of euphoria is to completely immerse yourself in writing a children’s story. If at this point, you are rolling your eyes and thinking that it takes you all your time to write a shopping list, stop there right now. Writing a shopping list is necessary to live a comfortable life, writing a children’s story can feed your soul by releasing your inner child.

Think about it, you don’t have to let anyone see it. Actually, you may surprise yourself and want to show it to others when you have worked on it. However, for the time being, the whole idea of you writing children’s story is to transport you into your very own fantasy world. It is truly a form of escape from the tensions of everyday life and a way to feed your soul.

woman-imaginig-fairy-drawings

You can create a setting that is all of your making. For instance, if you’ve ever wondered what would have happened if the Gunpowder Plot hadn’t been discovered, you could create a whole scenario there. If you love fairies or dinosaurs, you can close your eyes and imagine yourself as a dinosaur princess or a fairy dragon slayer. Let your imagination run wild and enter the world inside your head.

You don’t even have to write anything down, if you don’t wish to. Just let the film play through your mind. However, I think you will find that once you have the story set out in your head that it won’t go away until you get it down.  If you do decide to write it up, don’t let your nagging inner critic spoil it for you. The whole point of this exercise is to transport yourself to another world, to reawaken your inner child and to fill you up so that you don’t need the false feeling of comfort that snacking gives you.

I hope you will give it a go. Until next time – happy creating.

 

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November 7, 2016 · 10:11 am

Why You May Carry Weight That You Don’t Need

whats-going-on-in-here

If you are carrying excess pounds, you could be holding onto them for a reason. Once you recognise what you are doing and why you are doing it, it is more than likely that you will have the will to get rid of the baggage that you don’t want. You also have more chance of doing this if you learn to love your body.

Let me give you an example of why someone carries excess weight. The other week, as I marched through the shopping centre of a nearby town, I noticed a teenage girl that I’ve labelled ‘Warrior Woman’. As she owned the steps at the side of Barclays Bank, my eyes snapshot the image that she flung at the world. It was indeed that of an aggressive machine.

Although she was probably only about eighteen years of age she had a vast bulk and even though it was a cold day, her thick arms were bare to demonstrate that they were covered in tattoos. Her hair was scraped back in a ponytail on top of her head like a sumo wrestler and she sat as if she was ready to spring at any moment.

I saw behind the image she was portraying to the world, this was a kid that had been dragged up in the school of hard knocks and probably worse. She carried her bulk to say to the world ‘don’t mess with me.’ This could either be to ward off unwanted sexual attention that she may have suffered from as a child or it could simply be that she wanted to look ‘hard’. Whichever it was, it was definitely a form of protection in her mind.

The problem with carrying such excess weight is that it has a catastrophic effect on people’s health. However, that is not the point of this offering of mine.  I want you to take a moment to consider this –  if you are carrying more weight than you would wish to, have you any idea why you are doing so? I’m not talking about treating your symptoms here so don’t say that it’s because you eat too much and exercise too little. I want you to get to the root of the cause so you may need to delve very deeply into your sub conscious.

There are many reasons why folks sub consciously choose to carry excess weight. A major one is to fend off sexual attention. This can either be someone that was abused as a child and sees it as a way to keep predators at bay or it can someone that has had bad experiences as an adult. Whatever the situation, as a grown up you can tell yourself that you are not willing to sacrifice your health because of people that can’t keep their hands or any other part of their person to themselves. You need to learn to love your body so much that shedding the pounds and getting healthy is your priority. When you get that positive about your body then you will have no problem telling folks that shove their unwanted advances upon you to butt out.

Another reason that people sub consciously carry excess pounds is so that they can become part of the back ground and be accepted.  At this point, anyone that suffers from excess weight will be exclaiming that they get all sorts of nasty digs about their weight and it stops them from being accepted. Again that is surface behaviour.

If we dig deeply, being overweight, often means that you are not considered competition in the work place or in the dating stakes so others let down their drawbridge because they don’t consider you as a contender.  In other words, they overlook you but accept you and may even befriend you because they don’t see you as a threat. Subconsciously, you may have realised this and found it a comfortable place to be.

However, if you learn to love your body, it will be more important to you to have a healthy one than to blend into the background. You will also find that true friends love you whatever size you are.

There are other reasons why people hold onto excess weight but I can’t cover it all here. The reason I wrote this post is to get you to think about why you might do this and also to consider if you learn to love your body, would you then stop hoarding weight.

 

 

 

 

 

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March 26, 2016 · 10:36 am

How To Get Kids Writing Using Frogspawn

No - nothing's coming.

No – nothing’s coming.

Time and time again, I see young kids not wanting to write and teenagers having to write but struggling to get the words down. It’s not just the kids that suffer, staff in schools and colleges have trouble too as they try to get children to produce pieces of writing. This is because of the way the curriculum has gone, it’s all to do with ticking boxes instead of making writing the enjoyable pastime that it is. It is important then to give kids the desire to write while they are young.

If, at this point, you imagine that I’m going to suggest sitting down at a table and getting a workbook out, you can think again. Get some notebooks, pencils and a camera or phone that has a built in camera and get yourself outside.  You’ve heard of a bear hunt – well you are going on a frogspawn hunt.

Gotcha.

Gotcha.

Quick note – it depends what time of the year it is and where you are. The best way to decide what you are looking for is to have a quick look for nature sites on the internet and see what your children are likely to be interested in and if you might find them.  As an example, I will use frogspawn.

So how can finding frogspawn get your children writing?

They can take photos or draw sketches of the places that you looked to find the frogspawn. Underneath the visuals they can write where they went that did not produce any samples and where they found some. I visit a pond daily to get photographs.

Look what I found.

Look what I found.

After giving them a safety talk about being near water, you can photograph or sketch the frogspawn that you find. You can then either tell your children about the life cycle of the frog or let them research it themselves. They can put all their evidence in their notebooks alongside what they have actually seen.

The next step is for them to imagine the frogspawn going from tadpole to frog. What is he or she called? Once a name has been decided upon and written in the notebook, your child could think about five things that this frog really likes and five things that their frog hates. All this can go down in the notebook as well as a drawing of the fictional frog. I will be doing more posts about story writing at a later date.

I'm called George.

I’m called George.

All of this can be done out in the fresh air and your children can run about and get exercise while getting their notebook together. It is a good idea to encourage your children to take the notebooks on further outings so that they can keep a record of their adventures.

It is important never to criticise the handwriting, grammar or spelling in your children’s notebooks. The reason for this is that the notebook is there for them to express themselves. Handwriting, spelling and grammar will all fall into place if your children learn to love writing.  This will happen if you make writing a natural part of their pleasurable activities.

This website cannot take responsibility for any suggestions that may be followed. It is up to you to keep your children safe.

 

 

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